now, i need to get back to studying. i feel it. i feel the school brainwashing me and society commanding me, and i feel like a puppet, albeit an unwilling, reluctant one. how i wish i can be like the prophet Jeremiah, or C.S. Lewis, both who (imho) have not suffered the cruel fate of being caught in the rat race. or even henry david thoreau.

i took a break soaking my foot in hot water (thanks to my ankle) and trust me, its the best time to stone and to reflect. (if you don't distract yourself, your mind would concentrate on the painful foot.) the best part is, i forgot what i have to say. hahahahaha. nvm it means that whatever that went through my mind has gone into my subconscious lol. btw, reflect is not the same as thinking, because thinking connotes using your mind in the GP way (imo, making links between concrete and abstract, arguing with yourself, coming to a conclusion--which is usually a short sweeping statement).

yeah i rmb what i was thinking about. i don't think i can depend on the government to give me a meaningful life. they can ensure that i get my rights, my money, my property, my degrees, and all other practical stuff i need in life. and they cannot give me stuff like freedom, happiness, purpose to live, simply because its a mindset issue (a conclusion i made quite a long time ago). its reality. but it is also true that in reality, people are seeking solace amid the storms in their lives; if not, desperately trying to improve their lives, but are always still dissatisfied with living. its a real thing when people grow old and finally understand that some things cannot satisfy, but die shortly after. its also a real thing when people grow old and die without realizing that their whole lives were spent on chasing something that could not satisfy. when you come down to it, its human nature.